This issue of Brain Food explores two distinct but related themes: the personal cost and reward of diverging from the conventional path, and the science behind building strong, lasting relationships.
Forging Your Own Path
To achieve different results, you must take different actions than the crowd. This unconventional path requires you to define your own success, as you lose the ‘map’ provided by society. While the rewards of the conventional path (promotions, security) are visible and tempting, the outcome of your unique journey is initially invisible. Choosing this path means enduring criticism and uncertainty, effectively picking your own game and paying the price to play it.
The Science of Lasting Relationships
A featured conversation with Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneer in Emotionally Focused Therapy, reveals that the foundation of a lasting partnership is emotional responsiveness, not just communication skills. Key findings include:
- Emotional connection is the single best predictor of sexual satisfaction.
- Criticism is often a hidden plea for connection, asking, “Do I matter to you?”
- Emotional withdrawal triggers danger cues in a partner, as humans are wired for connection.
- Affairs typically stem from emotional disconnection, not sexual frustration.
- The true killer of a relationship isn’t fighting, but emotional detachment and indifference.
- Modeling a secure, supportive relationship is one of the most valuable gifts parents can give their children.
Mentoring question
The article highlights that emotional responsiveness is the foundation of lasting love. In your key relationships, how do you actively listen for the underlying emotional need or ‘wish’ behind a partner’s complaint or criticism?
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