The Core Message
The primary reason people fail to achieve their goals is not a lack of desire, but a failure to ask for what they want, driven by a deep-seated fear of rejection. The video argues that your success is directly correlated to the number of quality requests you make. It provides four practical, “rejection-free” communication techniques designed to lower psychological barriers, spark curiosity, and make it easier to start conversations that lead to your desired outcomes.
Key Takeaways: Four Rejection-Free Asking Formulas
1. “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but…”
- How it Works: This phrase frames your request indirectly, reducing the feeling of pressure. It triggers the other person’s curiosity and sense of autonomy (“I’ll be the judge of that”).
- Goal: To be “pully” not “pushy,” encouraging the other person to lean in and ask for more information rather than giving a direct yes/no answer.
2. “How open-minded would you be to…”
- How it Works: This leverages the psychological principle that nearly everyone likes to see themselves as open-minded.
- When to Use:
- Use “How open-minded would you be…” when you want to open a discussion and explore possibilities.
- Use “Would you be open-minded to…” when you are looking for a more direct yes/no decision.
3. “Who do you know…?”
- How it Works: This technique removes direct pressure by asking about a hypothetical situation or a third party. It creates a safe, playful space to explore an idea (e.g., trying a new restaurant, getting a referral) without making a bold, direct request of the person you’re speaking to.
- Goal: To start a conversation around your desire and gather information, which can often lead to the other person volunteering themselves or a valuable connection.
4. Opening, Fact, Question (OFQ) Structure
- How it Works: This three-step formula is designed to get permission to have a bigger conversation without using outdated, pressure-inducing questions like “Got a minute?”.
- The Structure:
- Polite Opening: A simple greeting.
- Mutually Agreeable Fact: State a piece of information you both know to be true.
- Easy-to-Answer Question: Ask a simple question to confirm the fact.
- Goal: To build a conversational frame that puts you in a position to make your bigger ask after you’ve established common ground and gained implicit permission.
Conclusion
Instead of making a single, high-stakes ask, these techniques help you start low-pressure conversations that create a “maybe” space. By moving from a “no” to a “maybe,” you significantly increase your chances of eventually getting to a “yes.” Mastering these formulas can help you overcome the fear of rejection and ask for more of what you want in your personal and professional life.
Mentoring Question
What is one important thing you’ve been hesitant to ask for due to fear of rejection, and which of these four techniques could you use this week to start that conversation?
Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=oLaaivIicss&si=JH8Wz7QFx2LJsEGk
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