Behavioral researcher Shadé Zahrai identifies a simple, two-part phrase as the most effective tool for stopping manipulators: "That’s interesting. Tell me more."
Why It Works
Manipulators thrive on emotional reactions and ambiguity. This phrase changes the power dynamic by:
- Acknowledging without validating: Saying "That’s interesting" signals you heard them without getting emotionally rattled or agreeing with their premise.
- Cutting confusion: Saying "Tell me more" (or "What makes you say that?") shifts the focus to facts. It avoids accusatory "why" questions in favor of open-ended "what" questions that demand specific details.
How to Use It
1. Countering Gaslighting
When someone tries to make you question your reality, invite them to explain their version in detail. This forces the manipulator to rely on specifics rather than psychological pressure, often exposing inconsistencies.
2. Stopping Guilt-Trips
When someone uses emotional obligation to pressure you, ask them to articulate the reasoning behind their statement. This weakens their leverage by shifting the focus from your guilt to their logic.
3. Deflecting Coercion
When a manipulator ties your compliance to your values (e.g., "If you really cared, you’d agree"), ask how they reached that conclusion. This creates space to detach your values from their specific request.
Key Takeaway
In difficult conversations, composure is more powerful than confrontation. Using curiosity protects your boundaries and forces the conversation away from feelings and back toward facts.
Mentoring question
Reflect on a recent conversation where you felt pressured or confused; how might the outcome have changed if you had responded with “That’s interesting, tell me more” instead of defending yourself?