The Nature of Status Anxiety

Based on Alain de Botton’s philosophy, the article explores “status anxiety”—the deep, often unconscious fear of losing respect and recognition in the eyes of others. Contrary to the belief that achieving the next milestone (a promotion, a degree, or wealth) will eliminate insecurity, this anxiety exists at every level of success. As responsibilities grow, so do the fears, making it an endless process.

The Side Effects of Meritocracy

In feudal times, status was inherited, and poverty was often viewed as an unchangeable fate. However, modern democracy and the concept of equality have complicated this. Since society claims everyone has an equal chance at success, failure is no longer attributed to bad luck but to a lack of effort or character. This shift places an immense psychological burden on individuals to “be someone,” fueled by constant comparisons to peers who have achieved sudden success (e.g., via social media).

The Proximity of Jealousy

We do not envy everyone; we only envy those we perceive as similar to us. A common person is rarely jealous of a distant celebrity like Bill Gates, but will feel a sting of envy if a former classmate or colleague achieves success. This mechanism explains why we feel competitive even with strangers who share our nationality when meeting them abroad.

Using Jealousy as a “Metal Detector”

Instead of suppressing jealousy as a sin, de Botton suggests using it as a diagnostic tool, like a metal detector. Jealousy signals the presence of a trait, achievement, or lifestyle that fits our desired “target personality.” To use this constructively:

• Identify the trigger: Notice exactly what makes the detector beep (e.g., public speaking skills, a fit body, a specific career path).
• Analyze the source: Determine if you truly want that thing or if you only want it because someone similar to you has it.
• Notice the silence: Observe what you don’t envy to understand what paths are not for you.

The Trap of the “Inner Citadel”

The author warns against a defensive mechanism described by philosopher Isaiah Berlin: retreating into an “Inner Citadel.” This happens when we pretend we do not want what we cannot have. It manifests as mocking or despising the object of our envy (e.g., ridiculing corporate workers because we lack career stability, or criticizing fit people because we struggle with fitness). This attitude provides safety but guarantees stagnation.

Travel Recommendation: Madeira

The newsletter concludes with a recommendation for Madeira as an ideal winter destination for Europeans. Key advantages include stable spring-like weather, manageable flight duration compared to Asia, a wide range of accommodations, and the convenience of staying within the EU (currency, internet, healthcare). Ideally, it serves as a place for a reset and perspective.

Mentoring question

If you treated your most recent feeling of jealousy not as a negative emotion but as a specific data point, what hidden ambition or desire is it trying to reveal to you?

Source: https://52notatki.substack.com/p/lek-o-status-czyli-jak-uzyc-zazdrosci