While asking good questions makes people like you, relying solely on questions limits how close others can feel to you. To build genuine connections, conversations require a balance where you share authentic aspects of yourself without oversharing or giving flat, conversational-door-closing factual answers. Dr. Thomas Fidyeman introduces a framework for sharing personal (not private) information that deepens connection while keeping interactions engaging and effortless.

The Balance of Conversation and Depth

When connecting with new acquaintances, the goal is to go “one layer down” by sharing personal details rather than private, overly emotional, or negative topics. Depth should always match the level of trust built in a relationship. Flat factual answers act as dead ends in conversation; instead, making ordinary details engaging helps invite the other person into your world.

The Four-Step Bubble Method

Dr. Fidyeman outlines a practical four-part method to make your answers more dynamic and meaningful:

• Add “Because”: Reveal the motive or meaning behind your actions. People connect far more with why you do something than just what you do.
• Add “But”: Introduce authentic complexity, contrast, or nuance. Showing different sides of your personality or lighthearted personal contradictions makes you relatable and multi-dimensional.
• Focus on “Lately” (Motion): Frame topics around current actions, recent changes, or upcoming plans rather than static facts. Movement and energy keep the brain engaged.
• Add “For Example”: Use specific details, visual imagery, or short anecdotes. Giving concrete examples activates the listener’s imagination, making it easier for them to picture your experiences and respond.

Key Conclusions and Takeaways

Sharing about yourself effectively isn’t about being an entertainer; it’s about providing enough engaging context for connection to happen. Finally, great communication requires being an attuned speaker—paying attention to the listener’s non-verbal feedback and adjusting in real-time, treating conversation as a co-created experience.

Mentoring question

Reflect on a recent conversation where an answer felt flat or ended abruptly: how could applying one element of the Bubble Method (such as sharing your ‘why’ or adding a visual example) have created a deeper point of connection?

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=A25HHOtMp2U&is=rKGN0dVR7w_9mIN6